They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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