apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
