Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
