***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
