i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
