she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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