ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
