sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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