i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
