I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
