billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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