Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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