His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
