I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
