After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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