I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's Friday. Sex?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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