dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
