Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
