sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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