My brain says no but my pants say off.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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