I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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