You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just had sex on a roof
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
