I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
