I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
