I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
