i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
