I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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