Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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