Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
