Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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