Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
