how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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