Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
