dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
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I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
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