i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
