I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
