she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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