If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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