I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i barfeds in our rink
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
