your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
