Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
