I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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