I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
