His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
