i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
