I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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