my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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