you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
