2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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