Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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