Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can I color on your dick again?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
