I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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