dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
