What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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