So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
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We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
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Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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