She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
