My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
