last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
