I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
