she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
