is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
