Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
