I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
