shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
