direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
