just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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