Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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