He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
