clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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