fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
