Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
