so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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