i used baking grease as lip gloss
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dignity is for republicans.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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