He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
