Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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