so explain again why im purple
no
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
