Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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