How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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