Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
