I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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