oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
