oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
