There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
